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Friday, November 04, 2005
suddely i feel tired of everything. i dunnoe. i wonder if actually we r just toys, or entertainment of some kinda "bigger ones", created for thier entertainment as the watch us from the cages they created for us, the world we r living in. Just like how we have pets like hamsters, rabbits, goldfish. we put them in a container n just look at them. finding things they do enteraining, amusing. maybe we r pets of some other ppl n we din noe? When they get bored, they stir the water smewhere, blow some air at us n we get hurricanes, tornado n floods. just to c how we react, n we do, just like any other animals, something happens then we start to tk notice. N we did archieve wat was needed, we create something worth seeing, worth noticing. i noe i sound abit off but maybe being a film student gets this all in my head. Like watching movies like matriz or the truman show. this kinda things. i'm finding it hard to juggle things in my life. family, friends, work, basically i have no balance i think. i have more to juggle in the family department than most ppl my age. i have a niece that, at the age of 6, has to panic coz she noes no one is gonna look after her the next day. she calls emily n ask her wat she shld do coz everyone dun wanna look after her. Her selfish mother i dunnoe wat to say. We can tell her a million times but she can still refuse to do anything. NO one, n I mean no one, maybe except her husband, can make her do wat she shld do. but then again, why shld he? they muz be thinking they have their lives to lead, well guess wat, so does everyone. but do they care? i dun think so. maybe everyone shld just be selfish n things will go their way. my friends, i hardly meet anyone, as everyone shld noe. count the times u get to see me per yr. the weird thing is, i notice, when u dun have gathering, u dun. but when u do, the come at abt the same time. i dun really mind thou. but bring my niece along like almost everytime has seen to taken its limit. driving my friends crazy. And to prioritise, if need be, i'll stay at hm with my niece or bring her out. i wanna see my friends too, mix ard with em. its makes me relaxe n glad to just have "reunions" but when i look at nana w no one, i feel i am being selfish. even when i am hm w her sometimes, i read story bks n let her entertain herself. thats no rite. but she dun have siblings to play w like i did. N i dunnoe how to play w kids. i get bored easily. i dunnoe y. i tot of not working n look after nana full time, but my selfishness dun dare do this. coz ultimately, i got my own life to lead as well. i just dunnoe how to seek a balance. no idea at al. And saf being in NS hardly has time outside n when he do. its precious time. Time seems to be restricted n i just wanna try my best to be free when he gets his free time too. i dunnoe, i blabberling. ignore me. there's so much going in my mind now, i dunnoe wat i'm saying. i dread going to work in a few hrs time. ever since that shouting incident, i'm back to wat i was the first 3 mths in MCS. i'm suffering from anxiety, i'm uptight. i wanna cry abt every little thing. i just wanna leave the job n stay at hm. hai~ i sound just P_A_T_H_E_T_I_C. tell me abt it. rose |
2 rose(s) on your door |
Cookiesâ„Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |