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Sunday, January 30, 2005
Hope dangles on a string Like slow spinning redemption Winding in and winding out The shine of it has caught my eye And roped me in So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing I am captivated [Chorus] I am Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself So clear Like the diamond in your ring Cut to mirror your intentions Oversized and overwhelmed The shine of which has caught my eye And rendered me so isolated, so motivated I am certain now that [Chorus] So turn Up the corners of your lips Part them and feel my finger tips Trace the moment, fall forever Defense is paper thin Just one touch and I'd be in Too deep now to ever swim against the current So let me slip away [3x] So let me slip against the current So let me slip away [4x] [Chorus] Slight hope It dangles on a string Like slow spinning redemption... rose |
0 rose(s) on your door Can't fight it all away Can't hope it all away Can't scream it all away It just won't fade away, No Can't wash it all away Can't wish it all away Can't cry it all away Can't scratch it all away i think my actions n decisions coz alot of ppl to be hurt, disappointed, shocked... i begin to doubt the way i do things... have following my heart become a really selfish act? i think it is, i dun seem to think for others... i told dennis that saf n i are sorta together now, i think i really really broke his heart. its been less than 2 weeks since we broke up. i feel so guilty...so bad... i feel like i shld just remain single. i really dunnoe... am i thinking clearly? but who is there to guide me thru this? i tot of being single for quite awhile to sort out my life, but i seem to be forgetting that when i'm with saf. i dunnoe... the feeling for him grows...same as for my guilt... am i doing something that is really so wrong? am i doing so wrong that ppl close to me are all hurt n disapointed? wat have i been doing? i dunnoe... so confuse now... arg.... like dennis said, saying all this got no point already... i dunnoe. i will be punishedone day for all the pain i coz ppl....especially dennis... really really sorry. i gonna reflect on wat i am doing now.... Saturday, January 29, 2005 
In your eyes, people see life... You see yourself as just an average person! You enjoy life, love wildlife, but also enjoy time with those who know you best. You like to get outdoors and let your mind wander over all of the mysteries god gave to you. You don't really have a certain sanctuary because you're so well-rounded, but you like having fun and adventures, but can also be found sitting quietly about, reading a book. You have a pretty good life ahead of you, never trade it for anything else :) What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!) brought to you by Quizilla 
You are PREP! your having fun and you have alot in mind! you keep up with alot and you have your own prep style.. which looks great. There is alot you want at the moment but your gonna need patience! just keep enjoyin your time. thanx please rate Are you GOTHIC, PREP, PUNK,UNIQUE (girls only) brought to you by Quizilla 
You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully, it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into you playing the dominant role MEORW! What kind of kiss are you? brought to you by Quizilla (the picture is the coolest amg the 3 but i dun noe, the results...hmmm) 
You like the ones that understand you. What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics) brought to you by Quizilla (i dun get it, wat is it with animae pictures? haha) 
~*~*~*~ LOVING~*~*~*~ Your loving nature makes you wonderful to be around. You are the type of person that accepts people for who they are and they in return of your good heartedness, accept you right back. You are most likely a romantic at heart. With a sensitive soul and probably a broken heart from the past, you don't usually trust people. You have probably been hurt by someone you love or loved dearly which makes it hard to confide in others. Easy going and romantic, fun and lovable, you have a great personality. You are very well liked in the general world that you're in. 
Angel You have a happy yes quite soul. You keep somethings to yourself and like to be alone but don't mind showing your bright side to your friends. You find that hell is the worst of all scince your an angl from heavan. You use your powers for the forces of good to protect gods creatures. Gem Stone: Canary Diamond, Eye Color:Golden,Hair Color:Blonde that goes to your shoulders Quote:In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lulaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::. brought to you by Quizilla 
You're the high fashion trendsetter. You're confident, independent, outgoing, and love attention. You might become a star one day. All the girls like to follow in your foot steps because you're so cool, fashionable, and don't care about anything. You make the rules, never follow. But please be sure not to act bitchy. That could be bad. But keep the attitude. That's what makes you, you. What kind of girl are you? (with pix!) brought to you by Quizilla (ok, i'll keep my attitude problem. haha. rite.)  You are a klutz. You don't have a really good balance.^_^; You have a really bright attitude and like to party. You see past the all the looks on people because since your not perfect you don't see why you should judge others that way. Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only brought to you by Quizilla sweet life I know how we give it all hold me up hold me up into the sun and watch me burn come undone it can come apart when everything seems lost its insane how I try to find what to believe in its a mad life that we know won't give it up with the beauty all around its a mad life that we know still we give it all hold me up when I try to give and all I get is hurt its okay that I feel faded today and lord I know that I can find some peace in this world in this world its a mad life that we know still inside is beauty all around its a mad life that we know will we give it all away sweet life I know will it fade away sweet life I know can we give enough before we come undone before we come undone I'm waiting for the love to come around and save us from ourselves its a mad life that we know can I see only beauty all around its a mad life that we know still we give it all see the pain and beauty all around see it try so hard to take me down hold me up into the sun and watch me burn and watch me heal how I Need someone to know that I feel faded today i'm at home now. hmm, supposely everypne in class shld be having fun ba? while i'm here. hmm, just decided not to go. but tempted to. -_-" thats me. but well, no one understands anyway. anyway, got alot of things to do. the housework is stack til dunnoe where, and mum is asking us to tidy up since new yr is coming, so gotta really make the place real neat n so on. especially my room, so damn messy! my things are everywhere, n i mean everywhere, especially on the floor. -_-" think emily will go crazy if i continue ba? so, gotta use a few hrs to clean up. then, gotta babysit nana. i can bring her along but its gonna be abitd difficult ah. plus she din recover fully so, hmmm, bring her there she surly run here n there n i'd probably scream at her n feel guilty later. so, hmmm, better not ba. and my mood not really gd. hmmm, tok to dennis just now...i dunnoe, just..hmmm the conversation din go well lah. i dunnoe why also but, i just dunnoe what to think n everything. hmmm...somethings, u really gotta think far, and when u dun, u end up not knowing what u r doing, whther u shld be doing. as for me, i aim to follow my heart n do things. but i guess, it cant really work that way as well. certain things u aim for, but attaining it is another story. i dunnoe, i just need some time to think. after the phone call i just rest, nap on the bed for abt 2 hrs. so gotta really buck up now. the sleep din make me think better anyway. -_-" and yesterday when i say things r peaceful, that mite prove to be bullshit after all. i msg hz just now to say i am not going. guess what. me: hey, i'm not going today. Sorry... hz: how come leh.... me: at first wanted to...but now, some things on my mind. quite moddy... need to bring nana also. no money also. help me tell sorry to the rest. hz: .....nvm then i'm like, what? there is like so much irritation loh. better? riteeee.... haha. dun make me luff. i can dream on to having harmony. dun get ppl. i tot he is more understanding than that but oh well, he wans to live life that way, go ahead. the way i see it, its drowning of sorrow. but thats my point of view. i still consider hima gd friend, well, single sided. but its ok. i'm true to myself. dennis ask me some questions just now, that i really dunnoe how to answer. and, i dunnoe, just thinking abt it got me confuse again. but, i gotta trust my feelings. i hurt him deeply. nothing's gonna change that fact. i'm a gf who had betrayed him. thats wat it is. no matter how he try to phrase it. thats the fact. i noe he do think that way, frm "remember my position" i noe that. i wanna be there as a friend but am i being fair to him? he cares for me. but like he say, love n hate is only a thin line. he can hate me. he got all the right to do that. we try to be really gd friends but, i dunnoe, its too hard on him already. i shld noe better than pit him thru all this. i'm moving on, i want the same for u as well. i noe u wan to be there for me, but its really really tough. weird, things goes well for a awhile n then everything goes downhill again. its like climbing up a slide, finally u struggle up, and when u think u climb well, u slide n go down once again. and this time, u feel like, why am i struggling to climb up when i mite just slide down again? but at the bottom there, i noe someone will be there to catch me. Saf will be there. he had been really patient with me. i appreciate that, someone so tempremental like me. on off on off. sucks man. when can i be trult true to myself? Friday, January 28, 2005 well, today i think can be counted as a happy day ba? actaully yesterday is great too. but today is better for me lah. well, hmmm, class ppl is more hyper these 2 days, especially yesterday, really cool, and great to see everyone having fun n energetic again, coz seem like v long since everyone gather togetheer n get crazy. haha, but things die down when everyone started going home. hmm, dunnoe lei, shld everyone stay late wat, haha, but then again, everything no matter how gd will have its ending mah. well, hmmm, i count this 2 days as happy days coz of a few reasons. here is a few points, not avvording to importance or anything ah, haha, just watever comes to my mind. so firstly, tok abt friends ba. hmm, i tok to hz more nowadays? today more, haha, i think its gd coz we hardly tok these days lah. thou i somehow feel that he is still supressing sumthing but, well, something is better than nothing. i dun wan to just lose a friend like that. maybe certain things i dun understand now, but i feel that hz sorta understand me in certain things n vice versa. maybe only now we dun understand more ba? like some advice i hear, its coz i dun say it out, so ppl cant understand. true lah, but nowadays, i have this habit of keeping things to myself. more n more. just feel that it doesn't matter if i tell ppl or not. i tell becoz i want to, not becoz i wan to explain myself. i cant be bothered to explian myself coz no one is me, they dun noe wat i am thinking, wat i am feeling. i always feel that i have a more diff thinking than other ppl n i think, its true, just that i dun really show it that much. sometimes. i feel maybe i dun belong here but well, everyone's got their ups and downs. like me, blanking out on jap quizz today. -_-" i feel sad for myself, the test is not that difficult loh. -_-" i'm really tired now, wanna crush soon, but just had dinner, so i cant sleep. back to the topic of my happy day, besides friends, classmate also seem to tok more. think coz IAP 4 leaving for attachment n when they come back, we r gonna graduate. will miss em. will miss avid. gotta move to blk M soon. dun wan. mr james lied, say few weeks!!! its wedesday? so...so..dun wan...haha. really, its like such a close place to us now. like our second home, our private space. isolated from other design students, specialisation but that was a room just for us. n ben (rumoured roomie) n the two computer rooms, just for senoirs. i dun wan the junoirs to even go in as they like. its ours for now. but well, they wun even get to have their room next time. tsk tsk tsk. avid is really our second home loh. hai~ next time, no sofa, no nothing le. just like a normal lab. sian lah.. another thing is, my life is more on the track now too? i think. hmmm, saf n me are getting along well, after that din-tok-the-whole-day day, we r closer. he is a really sweetans sensitive guy, think just misunderstand by ppl sometimes. i guess its always best to tok things out? hmmm, dennis told me not to bother abt wat ppl think, i keep that in my mind. i dun. at first i do mind alittle but now i dun really care. i mean, not dun care, but ppl can gossip or tok watever they wan. coz in the end, few yrs later, they mite not even noe who i am. ppl r like that, they tok abt ppl easily, maybe cozing permanent scars to ppl but they dun even care or realise, all that just coz they needed a topic to tok abt, to spread abt. well, alot of ppl is like that so, ha, i'm not gonna explain myself to anyone. only ppl i want to. thou i haven fully accomplise that. so far, only dennis, saf n vic noes more. its hard to open up to other ppl coz i noe they already have perceptions in their mind so its harder. well one day, maybe i'll tell em when i want to, maybe they will understand when they want to, maybe. dennis had been really supportive. i tk my hats off him, he is really really a v great guy. i wun mind introducing to victoria. they are both such gd ppl, will make a great couple. but thats my own point of view. haha. wat nonsense. well, just wan ppl ard me to be happy. if i can, i wanna tk away the pain i inflicted on dennis. he dun deserve all the pain he is going thru. i dun regret the decisions i make, coz i noe everything happens for a reason. i sincerely hope someone will soon be send to him to share his pain n joy. he deserve it. despite his own pain, he still think for me. maybe now i cant open up to u, but, i noe everything will go better over time. we r not together anymore but u r of importance in my life too, thanks for being there n listening to my problems. one day, we will be able to really, really be like greatest friends. not friends, higher than that, but u noe wat i mean rite? haha. well, i'm contented just with ppl living in harmony. i miss it that now just everything being peaceful makes me happy. i wan it to get better but u noe, i'm happy with the way things are. its not exactly there yet, changes needs time to adapt. i'm sure one day, i'll be able to balance everything again. now i'm still abit blur but, its not a bad start. i'm so sleepy, eyes shutting le...gotta sleep. willl tok more tmlo then. nite nite Wednesday, January 26, 2005 Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you Do you ever wanna runaway? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screaming No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels all right You don't know what it's like To be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desperate to find something more? Before your life is over Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With their big fake smiles and stupid lies While deep inside you're bleeding No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels all right You don't know what it's like To be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life No one ever lied straight to your face No one ever stabbed you in the back You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay Everybody always gave you what you wanted Never had to work it was always there You don't know what it's like, what it's like To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like (what it's like) To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Welcome to my life Welcome to my life ok, not that i am that depress but, i think the lyrics reflect on wat we are feeling at certain times. notice alot of this type of songs going on, maybe they are making us think that way too. but nvm, dun wanna say much. hmm, i noe some ppl care but, they dun understand. they draw up conclusion from assumption they make. they hurt ppl when they do that without realising. and when u r in a circle, everyone gets hurt. its like a ball bouncing ard hitting everyone. and end up, the person hit, rebounce it back and u get hurt again n again until the ball loses its strength n slowly stop.. hmmm, think hz is hurt, think saf is hurt, think dennis is hurt. hz keep his distance from me. Saf seems to be pulling back too. dennis tries to be supportive. i feel abit like, some good. u noe, ppl pass ard to whoever that needs it. i think tat is gd n bad. but u noe, they just dun wanna say anything or fight coz a) they dun wanna make things difficult b) they dun understand u c) they din bother to really think abt what u want well, trying to think positive over here. dun wanna get anyone worried. noe there is ppl who care. just that they din go beyond that and understand. Tuesday, January 25, 2005 emily just say i look v sad... do i? maybe at home i dun feel a need to cover anything, or maybe i'm just too tired too... i'm feeling tired, mentally n mostly physically i think. but alot of things can affect u mentally. maybe i'm gd in acting, or covering how i feel, but sumtimes, i just wish someone can see thru it. but so far, i dun think anyone really did. when i'm with ppl, i tend to just shut my mind, joke ard with them. coz u noe, they are not close to u really. and u just dun feel like telling them anything. i dun feel the need to explain my every action to ppl... its amazing when ppl can draw up conclusions, discuss, analysis u when they dunnoe a thing at all. they just base on wat little they noe and come up with their own stories n conclusions. amazing thing is, they just assume they are rite... well. i have nothing much to say, i'm too tired to do anything. i'll done more explaining in months for these few weeks... once i leave avid today, i started to feel moody again. actually, i had been moody since earlier on but well, it doen't matter, there were too many ppl, i din wanna show anything. i dunnoe y, its just like becoming a habit. i can joke n luff with them by shutting myself off, but after that, thats it. i was walking home, but i dunnoe, i just dun feel like going straight home. so i walk to amk. i realise saf n sandy is there coz saf called. but, i din wanna see anyone. i just feel like runing off when i heard they r gonna come. i kept on walking... walk til it was abit dark n decided to go home. at one point, i felt like crying... but u noe, sumtimes u just give up n u noe crying wun help at all so u just tell urself to stop. so what if u cry, will anyone appear? i noe its not possible that someone can really understand u. i noe there is ppl out there for me but, its just sad when u got so much to say but there is no one u can think of that will really tok. no one noes whats going on. maybe dennis n saf. n who else? ppl dun noe much, but for ppl like vic, i noe she truly care, n will offer me a shoulder to cry on. but i myself is worried for her, how can i still tell her? even so, our thinking r diff too... i think i'm just in depression or something. so many things. i'm tired. shld go sch edit, but i cant. my mind's not at it now. my jap i did halfway. i'm psycho. haha. so cool, i just realise. well, ppl will ask why i say that, but i;m not going to say. well, sch's been ok. and hmmm, think HZ's real disappointed with me ba? hmm, seem like, my choices had affected him more than i tot it will. it makes him see the selfishness and how ppl changes. i'm not listening as much to him but hey, he's not talking as much too. hmmm, maybe i think too much. but i dun wanna lose a friend just like that. i remmeber a quote, something like "your friends wun stop u, unless u r going down" something like that, cant really recall. hmmm, i dun think i am on the way down thou...i hope ppl support me, but maybe its abit too much too ask. k then, the psycho dun wanna tok more...seeya Sunday, January 23, 2005 ..i cant tk it when ppl lie to me. No, more like promise things to me then they break it. break it is ok. if u noe it when they did. but to find out abt it urself, the betrayed feeling and all that, i dunnoe, i just get very hurt. things affect more than wat ppl think it would. i think maybe i'm, crazy or something. but i hold on to promises kinda tight. i remember when i first strated with dennis, he say he wun ever change his nick, i found out he did. and was hurt by it. that was then. now, i get hurt again. i dunnoe lah, if u cant promise anything, dun. be it anything. i broke my promises to dennis now, so maybe i du have the right to make noise over here. i'm crazy. Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. -Marie Curie sounds good. but, hmm, to me not that true. haha. but y i bother to put it up? nothing better to do, just like the first part. nothing is to be feared. be brave in life. thats what everyne shld do. Saturday, January 22, 2005 ..when 2 ppl are together for v long, they start to tk things for granted. they stop doing things together, really doing thing. really tok, really listen... and only when something happen, suddenly u tk notice of things, suddenly u realise that u drift so far. and by the time u realise, it mite be too late. for my case, saf came in the picture. but i'm grateful, he make me not tk life for granted. dennis n me are together for so long. So smooth, so peaceful that i think we start to drift apart without even realising it. he provides for me, cares for me, but maybe, we just dun communicate enuff. been so long since we had real, long talks. til my birthday that day. he say he felt like second hand.... i dun blame him, i think i din treat him well too... coz when Saf appear, hmmm, i just feel diff. like, i start to have doubts abt my releationship with dennis. I starts to think more abt wat i wan in life. At first i feel that dennis can live very well without me, and i am there coz i was there at the first place. but after today, i believe when he say i mean alot to him. he kept crying...that breaks my heart. what have i done... at first i tot, i wanna be single, i wanna judge things that way. i wanna see the world first. i wanna do alot of things. try alot of things. how can anyone be so sure that they are meant for each other when they are only so young? what if someone out there is waiting? i din feel that dennis need me in his life, i feel he culd live v well without me. maybe he dun think that way now, but when he finally meet the someone just for him, he will noe what i am saying. its weird... i am just so sure there IS someone out there that is specially for him. and its not me. Seeing him today...hurts... coz of my own selfish thinking, he is hurt so much. when i woke up, i dunnoe, i feel disoriented. i dunnoe if its becoz for so long, i hasn't been on my own, or is it i can feel his pain? but i noe its wat i decided. i feel that if i din say things out, i will regret it. if its meant to be, its meant to be. dun say Saf came into the picture, if we were to part, we will. if we were meant to be together, we will be together. So today we have one last date. he bought me a necklance... its like a parting gift. we went to buy together. and today was sweet, both of us were very attentive. and its only then that, hmmm, i realise its been long since its like this. its sad. and how long has it been? i dunnoe... he cant accept the fact that after today i am not his girlfriend anymore. and the fact that i wanna give Saf a chance. but...its not just that. i dunnoe how to say but, i wanna noe. i noe i'm being selfish n greedy but i dun wanna live with "what if" and regrets. i noe this is what i wanna do. and maybe one day i mite regret it but i mite regret it even more if i din do anything. i wanna let nature tk its course. i'm tired. confused. i feel so much pain. pain from everything. and, what if i do end up with saf or anyone, the ending mite be the same too. and wat happens when that happens? i hurt another person. oh man, why am i so selfish. i still think i'm doing what i shld do but, hai~ i cant help but feel that i'm so so selfish... but is life so tough? i just wanna live life the way i wan it n it results in so many things? i hurt ppl that deserve better than this. be it dennis or saf. but things ended well. he give me his blessings. which make me wanna cry even more, after all this he still care for me so much... and what do i do? i break his heart. he will always have a special place in my heart. maybe i dun see him the same way as i do in the past, as a bf, lover. but i noe its more than just that. he will always be there for me to rely on if i need to. there is something special that ppl will not understand. its not friends, its not just BGR, its a type of trust n comfort. but we lost the "rush". i dunnoe how to say this but, hmm, somehow it does not seem right... ppl say i'm crazy. who dun wan a stable releationship. i mean. i like it, but it dun seem rite to be static for too long. and before today, i keep feeling that i am not needed in his life. like, he can jolly well have a gd life even without me. while saf, he make me feel that i mean something. now i noe to dennis i mean alot too, but maybe, it came abit late.. but, i dunnoe, life is more than just all these rite? the most important thing is we go walk thru a chapter of life tog. what will happen in future no one will noe. will i end up with anyone? i dunnoe. i mite go one round, and back together with dennis again. i'm changing. from a caterpilla i'm changing into a butterfly. and i'm flying away, to look for my own happiness, myself, my life... dennis if u r reading this, i wanna let u noe that i am really thankful..... Wednesday, January 19, 2005 
FROZEN QUEEN/ KINGYou dont want love to come through to you. You like it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you. You are already used to it. You say yourself that you dont need anyone, that you stand on your own two feet or that you dont have time for these things. But in reality you are scared to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You invent your own relationship in your dreams. You just need to know that you COULD get a partner.Thats it.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always message me or tell me how I can improve that quiz. Ill sure write back. ~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~ brought to you by well, these few days have been really hectic, besides the heavy workload, i celebrate my 20th birthday. :( yes, i start with 2 frm now on. well, alot alot of work to do. but enjoyed it in a way coz its been long i have to work so hard, sleep so little, think so much. haha. i mean, think as in think abt work. but its crazy, i dun think its possible to finish the things coz, there is too many things. i can compete it but, i will need more time to do that. i just feel digi i wun be able to hand in. with a monitor with weird colours, its hard. how do i judge anything? wll, gotta go study jap for now, cant open after effects for some reason. hmmm, so, do other things. i'm a bit late on my schdule but its ok. haha. reach home 10 plus, bath, sleep at 11. woke up at 2, do work til 7.30am, go sch. thats my plan. but its crazy, everyday for the past few days is like that. but sat is coz i go celebrate n sing ktv with DFV ppl, Michael, sandy, hz, wee, cliff from 2-6am. we do work at the avid til late, i rush home awhile with sandy. then meet em for supper at 11pm. eat liao, michael suggested KTV n sponsor 5 bucks for everyone. so we went to town. sing n sleep loh. haha~ quite fun in a way, then after that, took bus home. slept at 7. woke up at 9. perpare n meet eeling for the shoot. its like since last week, i have irregular sleep. and since friday, i hardly sleep. hope i dun go crazy, but my eyes like abit cant tahan already. think spend alot of time of time on the open house thingy. dun wanna let mr james down. k then, gogogo! if got time do more graphics. n sleep. ha, rite. thats the luxury i will get maybe on thu nite. YES! Meanwhile, nice song n lyrics. "Breakaway" Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down I just stared out my window Dreaming of what could be And if I'd end up happy I would pray (I would pray) Trying hard to reach out But when I'd try to speak out Felt like no one could hear me Wanted to belong here But something felt so wrong here So I pray (I would pray) I could breakaway [Chorus:] I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky I'll make a wish Take a chance Make a change And breakaway Out of the darkness and into the sun But I won't forget all the ones that I loved I'll take a riskTake a chance Make a change And breakaway Wanna feel the warm breeze Sleep under a palm tree Feel the rush of the ocean Get onboard a fast train Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will) And breakaway [Chorus] Buildings with a hundred floors Swinging around revolving doors Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but Gotta keep moving on, moving on Fly away, breakaway I'll spread my wings And I'll learn how to fly Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye I gotta take a risk Take a chance Make a change And breakaway Out of the darkness and into the sun But I won't forget the place I come from I gotta take a risk Take a chance Make a change And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway Sunday, January 16, 2005 Capricorn(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)The good times finally rolled away. It looks like everyone for themselves again. You still amuse some people, but they no longer take you seriously. If you really have to change that, then change it you will. my birthday. very eventful... i'll probaby...cry myself to sleep or something. its, hmmm full of things i guess. i'll say when i'm feeling better. so far, only 2 hrs of sleep since yesterday so i gonna let my mind rest or something. some song stuck in my head. Missing Please, please forgive me, But I won?t be home again. Maybe someday you?ll have woke up, And, barely conscious, you?ll say to no one: "isn?t something missing? " You won?t cry for my absence, I know - You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn?t something missing? Isn?t someone missing me? [chorus] Even though I?d be sacrificed, You won?t try for me, not now. Though I?d die to know you love me, I?m all alone. Isn?t someone missing me? Please, please forgive me, But I won?t be home again. I know what you do to yourself, Shudder deep and cry out: "isn?t something missing? Isn?t someone missing me? " [chorus] And if I bleed, I?ll bleed, Knowing you don?t care. And if I sleep just to dream of you And wake without you there, Isn?t something missing? Isn?t something... [chorus] Friday, January 14, 2005 i'm waiting... they went for lunch but they are not back yet, so i cant stand also... then a v lame thing...i forgot to gte the tripod. -_-" it will help IF i have ppl who can help but no, i am basically on my own. everyone is busy with their stuff so, hai~ cant ask anyone to help lah. Wednesday, January 05, 2005 i got nothing much to say today. hmm, nothing much i feel like saying i guess. so much work, so little time. guess i slack too much ba. but i digitise faster now, today almost complete tape 4 but have to digitise the senoir's work first coz mariah wants to cut it today. so digitise loh. abit irritated with mariah's attitude somtimes. especially today. their gp keep filming n filming den everything edit half way, tk up so much space in the drive. thats their problem, but they use til the C drive for com 2 n 3! how can like that, so they everytime edit must use this two coms. there is only 3 coms with tape deck leh, like that tk up 2 already. wat only. then hz also irritated ask her to delete some stuff then she keep saying, i dunnoe ah, i dunoe ah, i anyhow delete ah. i dunoe how then ask me delete. blah blah kinda shit. i hate that type of attitude loh. the second time i'm seeing it from her, and its more than enuff. the way they use the space in the hard disk, i really wish teacher can just warn them to backup and clear the system. really. they shld not anyhoe use ppl's drive and all that. then they say their drive is full, well guess wat, hz check and saw 50 plus GB of space. wtf loh. and they say its full?? and the room is so so messy, for heaven's sake, its still a school afterall. ask them to clean up their IAP 4 room they say its not IAP 4, its shared one. yah, say onli. so, pretty irritated. after i batch record my stuff, went toilet den company hz go buy fruit juice, both of us dun wanna face them anymore le. so, my editing is delayed again. arg, hai~ just wanna get down to it man, is it so hard? i need to edit asap man, or else wait til presentation will die le. and my bread shop, wah lau eh, i dun even have time to find now. hai~ sian. -_-" but i wanna give all things a shot, not much time left to graduation show i think. My mum work so hard, i shld at least get a decent grade ba? and there are other things on my mind too. i'm a capricon! i must have determination! haha. rite. i'm trying. The Inner You: Your Real MotivationSerious, disciplined, and quietly ambitious, you are driven to prove yourself and to achieve material accomplishments and success. Your work, your position in the world, and your contributions to society are very important to you. You will persevere through enormous hardship and frustration in order to reach a goal you have set for yourself, and you often sacrifice much in the area of personal relationships and home life in order to do so. Mental Interests and AbilitiesClear, objective, and realistic, you are unimpressed by exaggerated claims or promises. You insist upon being shown facts to back up any statement you hear, and your natural skepticism often borders on cynicism. You approach problems clearly and rationally and maintain your poise and objectivity even in the midst of critical situations. Anyone seeking your advice is certain to get an unemotional and unbiased assessment of their situation, and you therefore make a good arbitrator or judge. You are thorough, conscientious, and disciplined in your thinking, and have an aptitude for business, organization, and administration. You are also a good strategist, and will plan and patiently follow a realistic course which will lead to your eventual success. Serious-minded and studious, you enjoy quiet time alone for thinking or reading. well, well, just from a good strategist i noe this is not v true. -_-" Tuesday, January 04, 2005 suppose to be in sch editing by now but just had my medicine so decided to rest abit first. Slept the whole day yesterday. -_-" amazing, but thats the only place i can get comfortable, even sitting down feels uneasy. well, went home after asian cinema yesterday. cant really tahan anymore, feel v weak ah. tried to ignore it at first, but kinda hard lah. i feel feverish. thou Hz touch say alittle bit, Saf say dun have, but i noe something is wrong. not the first time anyway, that time i had high fever but only my dad manage to feel it. strange. -_- my eyes feel hot too, wanted to cry. just miserable man, my head feels so heavy and my body feels so weak. well, went home and took my temperature 38.1, so i pop one panadol. better then later get higher and need to c doctor, waste money. then i sleep for an hr, feels really long loh. haha, i tot i slept for 3 hrs or something, tk my temperature again 38.5. wat the hell, the panadol dun work at all ah, waste my effort in eating it. sob sob. dun like to swallow pills. so emily came home, ask me go c doctor, coz she scared i mite get dengue or wat, so see the handsome doctor at my house downstairs loh. ok lah, abit too fair. haha. so, the conclusion is, my fever is 38.4 and my throat has infection. hmmm, so sudden. think my shower in the morning was really a bad idea ah, dun feel well n i still wash my hair. -_-" i wun do it again...haha so after the doctor n dinner, went back to sleep again. i impress myself, can sleep so much! haha. well, got MC for 2 days but kinda no use, so much work to do, and today have no sch but i still gotta go cut the thing for open house or edit short film mah. hai~ so sad, so many things to do and i'm so behind. really need to buck up. wanted to, but now i feel sick, i got excuses to be lazy. yay~ rite. there is still deadlines to meet. Sunday, January 02, 2005 ...but i am not! i cant. i not in the rite mood. haha~ or i refuse to be in. i'm like, in a zone. i woke up from my nap relactantly, think my clock is sorta messed up, sorry miss pat, i think i will doze off in ur class again n get headache. o_O i can so picture it. well, its been raining the whole day. and i woke up at 11.45am. 11.45am?!!! thats like so late!!! NOW, i really noe why ppl were impressed when i was in yr one and i woke up at 7am just to jog. Now i noe, coz i dun think i can do it. my mind is too lazy too. thinking back, i use my time better last time ah. part time, sch work and everything. i din slack v much. in fact, ppl seem to think i like have alot of time for everything. Even oliver was impressed with my morning jog. wahahaha. still remmeber that time studio project, got my time slot wrong. then after my jog when i was bathing, sandy called to ask why i am not in class. i was bathing so my mum answered. she told her i just came back from jogging. then later when i was rushing to sch, oliver msg me " how was jogging?" what the hell!!!! haha~ he was taking attendance and he know. so funny, i was like so embarrased!!!! lucky i noe him. -_-" then when i went to the animation room, everyone was like asking me abt my jog. -_-" its nothing, really. hahaha~ impressed that the WHOLE class can noe. haha. those were the days ah, when i did have a proper class. now its like so IAP group-ish. that remindas me, so much work. then i refuse to think abt it. but i cant avoid it for long, gotta start thinking abt portfolio n stuff. sucks man, ah, i dun have much things to show. then need to cut the open house thing n all that. hai~ think i need to buck up alot alot. still feel disoriented. my nap is not a gd one. i took awhile to fall asleep n i din really sleep well too. and i have to force myself to wake up. -_-" so sad loh...haha. anyway, today is a weather to sleep! so, met Saf at PS at 1.30pm. but i was late. my reason? its raining. wahahaha. rite. i was just late. -_-" last min change shoes, help nana on cartoon n all that. funny thing is, i was wearing toe socks, and without a whole grip of my toes, my little toe was slipping out of my torn converse shoes. really torn. haha. so i change loh, later very ma fan mah. well, in the end din cut, just hang out, walk walk. nice, relaxed. haha. and fun, coz i was walkin with umbrella! me?! umbrella?! coz it rain when i was at home so i brng loh. haha. rocks man. haha, then i realise i am a nuisane coz of my height, i hold umbrella like will knock alot of ppl. -_-" Mr Tay, u make me concious u noe!!!! haha~ first is my headache now is my umbrella height. haha~ gd lag, at least i discover something today. like discovery channel! wahahahaa. and he was impressed with me! wahaahahahahahah~ aniwae, tmlo suppose to watch kung fu with hz and asking clas ppl. but i dunnoe if he rememebered. but i think he remember. yay~ i love comedies. so nice~ but nowadays when i feel happy or enjoy i feel abit bad ah, the ppl hit by the tsunamis are suffering and i am enjoying. so shit, i keep thinking that way these days., and when it rain, a nice weather to sleep in, but for those ppl, its even harder for them to find the bodies. the homeless ppl cold and sad. hai~ getting depressed. better stop. Saturday, January 01, 2005 I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless lost under the surface Don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I'm becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you Can't you see that you're smothering me Holding too tightly afraid to lose control Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I'm becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you And I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me With someone disappointed in you I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I'm becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you I've become so numb I can't feel you there Tired of being what you want me to be I've become so numb I can't feel you there Tired of being what you want me to be happy new yr to everyone out there. i'm getting a slight heahache again. its like after Saf say i always say i have headache, i became concious. like, i start to tk note of my haedache and really, hmmm, happens a few times a day. while, yesterday's celebration was ok. was at orchard, eat at cinleisure then went to sing ktv at i=dun=noe=the=name=of=the=place. hmmm, then at first, dennis say most prob they will spend the nite outside. so ok, since we sing til 11pm. but at abt 12 plus they decided to go home. -_-" but by then i dun have buses home already. there was train so tk to dennis place loh. din wanna spend the nite at his place again but ah, no transport home. o_O And din get to meet Saf too, thou we were both like @ orchard. a few times i wanted to go find him n chat, but hmmm, din get the chance to. feel abit left out a few times. And while dennis and his 4c gang tok, most of the time i am sitting down there, ktv also like that. and dennis say wanna split n all that so everyone interact, well, guess wat, we did split, but interact? okok only loh. and half the time at the ktv, i sit there. at times toking here n there. And when they went for supper, i expect that too, so ask him if they were staying for quite awhile, if yes, i go look for my friend. he say they stay awhile only, well, its one hr plus. -_-" and i feel he din really wan me to go. hai~ last time it was hz, now its safuan. i din sulk or anything coz its his birthday. i can understand he wanna spend it with as many ppl as possible. but i kinda feel abit extra there. not as bad as last time, but still abit. they are all v nice ppl loh, but i hardly mix with em mah. can see they wanna make me comfortable and all that also loh. but i feel that when there is friend and ur bf/gf one is most prob gonna be left out, unless they always hang out together. i'm ok with it, but for so long it hardly happens. maybe coz when i go out, i usually dun ask him along, and vice versa. he used to call me along but i din want to, coz he will have not enuff time with his friend. maybe i train him. and i think this way too, i dun wanna have to split myself or watever, i hate the "sandwiched" feeling. so there u go, my new yr eve's. its not as bad as it sounds, got sing n all. i like singing but hardly sing lah, feels weird. i rather give em the chance to sing, its abit like a class gathering thing to me. and my haedache start coming again. n its sorta there, just more or less of it. i think, hmmm, dennis dun really understand leh. like i have to remind him i am having headache. think i am v particular sia. haha. but hmmm, he still try to please me when he can lah. oh yah, it was wee's birthday too. and guess what? sandy, hz and herman combine to buy a gift for him. i was left out. basically. i mean, i shld have asked, but how i ask something that i dun noe? chim rite. i think not many ppl were ask to combine the gift, but my two closer friendsin class, one i regard as bestest n always combine gift with, left me out too. then i say to sandy, buy gift nv ask. and that was after she give the gift to wee n i noe they combined. she say rite infront of wee, "wanna combine?" Rite, thanx for the tot, but no. no need already. hmmm, i have been reviewing my life recently. i think i sorta noe wat i wan now. but maybe i shld review it again coz obviously, my circle of friends is kinda weak. or if i have any friends left to begin with. hz have been on n off with me recently, i think. even giving me attitude the other day. and i have no idea why. somehow i feel mite be becoz of me. maybe coz i sleep in the avid and after that wanna go home. not doing my job v well as a editior i guess. *sigh maybe maybe maybe. and i feel that maybe he dun even trust me much anymore. oh well, nothing i can do. coz i dunnoe what is going on now. everything just seem.... complicated, for no apparent reasons. and i dun understand. i mean i sorta think abt wats going on, but i'm thinking, why is all this affecting my other things? tsk tsk tsk. in my little world again. sometimes i feel, i hardly have ppl who really understand me. |
Cookiesâ„Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |