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Friday, April 08, 2005
really... i dunnoe how i am gonna do everything, part of me wanna just get ready for war and do my work, but part of me feels like its gonna break down. waking up in the wee hours all the time to do work is starting to tk an effect on me, when i wake up i cant do work. i just stare at the monitor, my sketchbook, wanting to come up with something but i cant, i just waste my time even thou i am not sleeping. and even if i did sleep, i still feel tired and sleepy, and its like not proper sleep with the tot of u having to wake up to do work. i'll most prob kill myself. Riteeee, over a diploma show. but monday assesment, from today i have 3 more days, do a showreel, website, buy portfolio, do art pieces and print out my artwork. time is an issue, money is another issue. i dunnoe, shld have started earlier? but i thinkw ill end up the same ba. i cant produce anything when i force myself, i cant think, no creative juice, no ideas. and my mum, the way she treats me n emily is making us really irritated already. during mornings if she goes to work, and we say bye to her, she ALWAYS ignore. ALWAYS. ALWAYS hinting we spend money very fast, tell her we have to pay our bills, she say dun always bil bill bill. den wat? 250 for EVERYTHING is not enuff lo. transport, handphone, internet. that alone tk up how much? my course we have to buy tapes all these already din tk from her but she expect so much. i dun have money buy alot of things that i need, wanna burn dvd for ppl i also dun have money. eat also dun anyhow eat, but she dun see it, she thinks we spend money like water. i noe she got the stress of paying for household bills but she din pay these few months wat, where did all the money go? she spend more than us. its her money, her right. but y she pick on us just becoz the allowance is given by her. i noe she got tell relatives about us one lo. that time wanna cut down 50 dollars. if i can, i would. but i cant. wat u expect? i've been living on peanuts. if i dun have ppl willing to treat me n stuff, i'll most prob be like 30kg already. last ime before we have finance problems, she was not like this, but now, she picks on us, nv do housework la, this n that. if anything, say ppl say our house messy, point to us. i dun even have time to sleep, cant u see that? u work 12 hours, go out 8 plus come bk 10. i am awake before u, sleep after u sleep, cant u see that i rest even lesser than u? we are graduating, but she wun even give us a break like that. if we r such a pain, y dun u just push us to dad. last time keep asking who we wanna follow, then now u find us such a pain. hai, i feel like, she wanted to tk care of us so when she is old someone can tk care of her. not becoz she cant bear to part with us or wat. its also a trophy to show the kids wanna follow her i guess. i dunnoe, i noe she would treat me better if she can, but now she can still treat us well rite? bought new top, slippers, emily ask her new ah, she ignore. see? i have enuff stress already. i feel liek crying now, so much things to handle, but i am not able to handle anything. rose |
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Cookiesâ„Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |