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Sunday, March 06, 2005
i wanted to do work in the weekend, but so far i din nothing. i read comic, sleep, watch animae. i watch like, 12 espisodes of Bleach n even watch TV. that is like so rare, watch TV..taiwan variety show, been a really long time since i watch it, as in, really sit down n watch the whole thing. v entertaining. shld watch more. haha. but maybe, plan my time n do work at the same time coz i am kinda screwed now. Dun worry dear, i'm not able to do anything like u k? so dun worry that everyone is moving forward doing their work n u r not..trust me, alot alot of us is stuck there. ppl i noe, sandy, hz, we all dun have drive for work too ya? so far, only mariah n irene seem to be working on it. well, nowadays, i am really lazy. -_-" i wonder y? or maybe compare to last time,, i was hardworking. haha. i think so, but now is too lazy. i wanna do sumthing but i always start til really last min n end up i settle for sumthing which is not really wat i wan. just rush out sumthing to pass up. that is bad. bad.bad.bad. think i gotta sacrifice sumthing for this month to build up my portfolio. shld not give excuses. everyday say wanna do, din do anything. hai~ my mum yesterday asked me if we can just tk 200 bucks for allowance this month...i told her cant...emily n me sorta expected that she will cut our aloowance again.. then she say, u all still have money from CNY rite? spend all already? sumtimes i feel that, i dun have the freedom to even spend my own money, if i have money i have to save or share it with mum..i noe she got heavy burden of the family, i noe. i dun need to always hear it. 250 a month is already not enuff...transport is abt 62, phone bill, internet, meals... n nowadays, she hardly leave money for us to have dinner. n my hse is not well stocked anymore, i'm so bored with the food at home, i think i can get aneroxic. i used to be able to eat instant noodle everyday but now i am sick of it. nothing much to eat or snack coz i think save money from buying. we already save on all this thingy but money is still running out. then i think she told my aunt abt the allowance thing when my aunt came to visit. my mum, always telling my aunt things. sumtimes, i just wanna shut off from all this. i noe she works really hard, so she cant help with housework. but, she always say this, say that, stacks her cup n all that. not helping at all. then will comment, ask us to do this. how to say, she will only say, but really, she provides the money n basically dump everything to us. even when her plants dying, she will say " u all lah, nv water" but..thats not even MY plants rite? she have the time to do it herself too, but she expect US to do everything. yesterday was her off day, we forgot to tk nana's medicind home from sch. i only know that at 2pm, when the childcare closes. then she ask me, "y u all din go n get the medicine" WAT??!!! u tk nana out to buy thing early in the morning, even ask me to go down for BF, u noe, n u din get it, or ask me to go get it, until like 2pm then u say??? then later i dunnoe where she get the medicine, then she ask us to feed nana. when she was doing nothing too. -_-" really, i wish she can stop just commenting n blaming us for everything. i told emily the other day when mum blame us abt sumthing again. " i'm sorry i am the head of the household" coz basically, besides the money, we tk care of everything ourselves. we dun have money to buy anything else except eat. sumtimes not even enuff. when i go out, saf offers to pay for dinner, etc. last time, dennis will pay too. i dun even have enuff for myself...n i talk abt all this shit getting a part time but i dun see one that i really like. n i think this tks a toll on my mum n myself. my mum went to the fortune teller yesterday, she ask abt emily n my future job. yes, on her own. then the person say emily will find a job faster n of high pay. for me its gonna tk longer n the pay is not as high. -_-" great, now i can get condemn. haha. thats wat i told emily, we luff it off. then emily say she wun condemn me, but that fortune teller thing is gonna change her perspective. tell me abt it man. my mum n i r really not close sumore loh. she din even ask me wanna company her to fortune telling anot, only ask emily. -_-" nvm la, at least she dun ahte me now, like last time. money money money. I_D_I_O_T_I_C guess my mum just think us as daughters who only noe how to ask for money. n she have a really hard life. alot of ppl had a hard life. i admit life has been rough on her, but, i dun need to hear it. i dun need to hear abt the bills i ahve to pay in future, i dun need to hear abt repaying the loan from ppl, i dun need to hear this n that. i noe. think my mum is loneyly, no one to share all this thingy for her. but i wish she change her mindset alittle. she thinks she is working this hard coz she need to suppirt the family, its true, but isn't that wat parents do? and when she tok abt the story of my aunt neighbour in the living room to emily, i just on my tv louder in the bedroom. i dun wanna hear anymore. The neighbour used to have a hard life when she was young, but now she is old, her kids grow up n earn alot of money, then give her or sumthing. the envy n big hint. -_-" all i have to do is, go out, find a job that offers big bucks, (not those slutty jobs), doesn't matter if i am happy or not, just work n provide. thats wat she is doing. but pls, i am only 20, cant i even do sumthing i like first? its my life rite? i shld be able to choose. she already give me this invisible chain to provide for the family ONCE i graduate. she spend money so much faster then emily or me u noe. its her money, i noe. but she can spend on things, we cant. she works hard, she deserve to spend, but spending my allowance or hong bao money, i cant. she makes me feel like this. its...irritating.... the best thing wuld be me going out to work rite away, rite away. rose |
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