|
Saturday, February 19, 2005
hmmm, just now after i read dennis's journal, i had something i wanted to say, but now, the renovation is really noisy n i cant think of anything... well, basically, hmm, i noe he is really scarred by me.. n thou its true i wun really understand wat he is going thru, the same it is for me. for me, no one can really understand too. i'n selfish, thinking abt myself but alot of things, ppl dun understand me too. they think they noe alot of things but the fact is ppl noe nuts and think they understand. i have ppl telling me i am a bitch, blah blah blah. some are casual remarks, last time i have ppl telling me i am a bitch but u noe the reason for being tell a bitch now is diff. i noe i am a bitch, but is it really so wrong to decide things for myself? i am not so sure of everything myself, the uncertainty that i step into is more than anyone can think, but i get comments along the way that doesn't help at all. there is ppl who care, and some u noe that are really worried. but, i dunnoe, just feel down again. things is not going smoothly for me but do i have to tell ppl? do i have to write the sadness on my face then they will care? certain things that dennis said on his journal i think mite be becoz he was feeling down, but somehow, i'm affected too. i dunnoe, after all that i've done, i dun expect him to treat me well or anything, but certain things he say, still makes me feel sad n hurt, but i deserve it, so i shld not say anything. but still, hmmm, things r complicating. u let the person down, but u dun wan the person to say that he/she dun wanna mind abt ur business, etc. i think, spelling it out just bites more. i wun expect the person too but i dun wanna hear it so bluntly, i'm only think abt my own feeling i guess... and things r not going smoothly for me, do i have to tell ppl ard me that too? ppl will think, after i decided it will be happily ever after. Rite. its not that way. there is alot of things that saf n me r facing. and i dun dare to really move on too. i have problems with trust, with negative support from ppl, with my own tots, i cant move on. N at first i tot i can. sumtimes i think, by standing on the spot n dwelling, thinking abt this n that wun help anything at all, so i shld just move on. But then, there r things that pull me back as well. things that makes me unable to move forward. i just get confused n frustrated again n again. wat have i been doing? what shld i do? muz things all be so complicated? i just wanna be myself now...think i'm sorta lost again.... rose |
4 rose(s) on your door |
Cookiesâ„Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |