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Saturday, January 22, 2005
..when 2 ppl are together for v long, they start to tk things for granted. they stop doing things together, really doing thing. really tok, really listen... and only when something happen, suddenly u tk notice of things, suddenly u realise that u drift so far. and by the time u realise, it mite be too late. for my case, saf came in the picture. but i'm grateful, he make me not tk life for granted. dennis n me are together for so long. So smooth, so peaceful that i think we start to drift apart without even realising it. he provides for me, cares for me, but maybe, we just dun communicate enuff. been so long since we had real, long talks. til my birthday that day. he say he felt like second hand.... i dun blame him, i think i din treat him well too... coz when Saf appear, hmmm, i just feel diff. like, i start to have doubts abt my releationship with dennis. I starts to think more abt wat i wan in life. At first i feel that dennis can live very well without me, and i am there coz i was there at the first place. but after today, i believe when he say i mean alot to him. he kept crying...that breaks my heart. what have i done... at first i tot, i wanna be single, i wanna judge things that way. i wanna see the world first. i wanna do alot of things. try alot of things. how can anyone be so sure that they are meant for each other when they are only so young? what if someone out there is waiting? i din feel that dennis need me in his life, i feel he culd live v well without me. maybe he dun think that way now, but when he finally meet the someone just for him, he will noe what i am saying. its weird... i am just so sure there IS someone out there that is specially for him. and its not me. Seeing him today...hurts... coz of my own selfish thinking, he is hurt so much. when i woke up, i dunnoe, i feel disoriented. i dunnoe if its becoz for so long, i hasn't been on my own, or is it i can feel his pain? but i noe its wat i decided. i feel that if i din say things out, i will regret it. if its meant to be, its meant to be. dun say Saf came into the picture, if we were to part, we will. if we were meant to be together, we will be together. So today we have one last date. he bought me a necklance... its like a parting gift. we went to buy together. and today was sweet, both of us were very attentive. and its only then that, hmmm, i realise its been long since its like this. its sad. and how long has it been? i dunnoe... he cant accept the fact that after today i am not his girlfriend anymore. and the fact that i wanna give Saf a chance. but...its not just that. i dunnoe how to say but, i wanna noe. i noe i'm being selfish n greedy but i dun wanna live with "what if" and regrets. i noe this is what i wanna do. and maybe one day i mite regret it but i mite regret it even more if i din do anything. i wanna let nature tk its course. i'm tired. confused. i feel so much pain. pain from everything. and, what if i do end up with saf or anyone, the ending mite be the same too. and wat happens when that happens? i hurt another person. oh man, why am i so selfish. i still think i'm doing what i shld do but, hai~ i cant help but feel that i'm so so selfish... but is life so tough? i just wanna live life the way i wan it n it results in so many things? i hurt ppl that deserve better than this. be it dennis or saf. but things ended well. he give me his blessings. which make me wanna cry even more, after all this he still care for me so much... and what do i do? i break his heart. he will always have a special place in my heart. maybe i dun see him the same way as i do in the past, as a bf, lover. but i noe its more than just that. he will always be there for me to rely on if i need to. there is something special that ppl will not understand. its not friends, its not just BGR, its a type of trust n comfort. but we lost the "rush". i dunnoe how to say this but, hmm, somehow it does not seem right... ppl say i'm crazy. who dun wan a stable releationship. i mean. i like it, but it dun seem rite to be static for too long. and before today, i keep feeling that i am not needed in his life. like, he can jolly well have a gd life even without me. while saf, he make me feel that i mean something. now i noe to dennis i mean alot too, but maybe, it came abit late.. but, i dunnoe, life is more than just all these rite? the most important thing is we go walk thru a chapter of life tog. what will happen in future no one will noe. will i end up with anyone? i dunnoe. i mite go one round, and back together with dennis again. i'm changing. from a caterpilla i'm changing into a butterfly. and i'm flying away, to look for my own happiness, myself, my life... dennis if u r reading this, i wanna let u noe that i am really thankful..... rose |
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Cookiesâ„Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |