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Tuesday, January 25, 2005
emily just say i look v sad... do i? maybe at home i dun feel a need to cover anything, or maybe i'm just too tired too... i'm feeling tired, mentally n mostly physically i think. but alot of things can affect u mentally. maybe i'm gd in acting, or covering how i feel, but sumtimes, i just wish someone can see thru it. but so far, i dun think anyone really did. when i'm with ppl, i tend to just shut my mind, joke ard with them. coz u noe, they are not close to u really. and u just dun feel like telling them anything. i dun feel the need to explain my every action to ppl... its amazing when ppl can draw up conclusions, discuss, analysis u when they dunnoe a thing at all. they just base on wat little they noe and come up with their own stories n conclusions. amazing thing is, they just assume they are rite... well. i have nothing much to say, i'm too tired to do anything. i'll done more explaining in months for these few weeks... once i leave avid today, i started to feel moody again. actually, i had been moody since earlier on but well, it doen't matter, there were too many ppl, i din wanna show anything. i dunnoe y, its just like becoming a habit. i can joke n luff with them by shutting myself off, but after that, thats it. i was walking home, but i dunnoe, i just dun feel like going straight home. so i walk to amk. i realise saf n sandy is there coz saf called. but, i din wanna see anyone. i just feel like runing off when i heard they r gonna come. i kept on walking... walk til it was abit dark n decided to go home. at one point, i felt like crying... but u noe, sumtimes u just give up n u noe crying wun help at all so u just tell urself to stop. so what if u cry, will anyone appear? i noe its not possible that someone can really understand u. i noe there is ppl out there for me but, its just sad when u got so much to say but there is no one u can think of that will really tok. no one noes whats going on. maybe dennis n saf. n who else? ppl dun noe much, but for ppl like vic, i noe she truly care, n will offer me a shoulder to cry on. but i myself is worried for her, how can i still tell her? even so, our thinking r diff too... i think i'm just in depression or something. so many things. i'm tired. rose |
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