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Thursday, August 25, 2005
i dun like to feel pressurize..sometimes i feel as i grow up. i runaway from reality more. i dun like to think abt problems. i shut them down. close myself from them. think thats how i been going thru alot of things. n things i can avoid, i avoid. i dun like to think abt it. say, like my job, til the v last day, i cant decide if i wanna stay on the job. thats how much i dun like to think abt things. i can be given a week, a month, n i cant decide. coz i dun like to dwell or worry over things. even if they r necessary, i tend to leave it to the last moment. its just te way i have become. When i had to send my dogs away, my mind shut the problem out. i noe sooner or later i have to send em away so i just alled the spca. send em when the person came n went to Sel's christmas party after then. it was ok. i shut it off. but certain days when i'm alone, i think abt them. i miss them. even thinking now i'm crying.. i remmeber how Mickey was so scared to enter the cage then he held on to me. but i have to push him into the cage to be taken away. there r regrets n i swear nv to keep pets again coz i dun deserve them at all. It do occur to me that the neighbours mite complain sooner or later.. tried finding homes for them but nv really did much. too lazy to do much. til the last min it was too late they had to be send away. thats me. i dun like to think abt things. n i think the more ppl pressurize me, the more likely i'll snap. i wan to be selfish n do things my own way. But who can do that? Ppl dun give me a break. Free from my job then ppl start asking me to work. i think its a gd thing that i get offers. but at the same time i feel like really taking a break. Sometimes i think i am really different in a way. It is really so hard for ppl to live life simple? to think things simple? to think more for others instead of themselves?? anways, lighter stuff. i just went on a shopping spree. on stickers. -_-" i blew 15.80 on stickers. abit too much just on stickers. bought 3 for nana. 11 for myself. haha~ its my hobby since childhood. i like stickers. and u can get really cute ones now. well. i noe i'm abit too old for collecting stickers but at least i'm not collecting sailor moon cards or anything. -_- anyways i got try to control myself coz i think Saf will scold me for wasting money. hee~ BUT, tk it as a treat i guess. not gonna waste money anymore. not much money to spend anyways. k then, gotta continue on housework. so mucht things to do.. rose |
1 rose(s) on your door Wednesday, August 24, 2005 to all my friends out there, who visit my blog..i want ur blog add too!!!!! some of u\yours i dun ahve lei. mama's one i have. Sel i lost yours. Ice i dun ahve also. Anyone ah, muz give me the add huh!!!! at least i noe whats happening to u guys mah. k then~ seeya guys soon~ since i'm jobless. haha. but coz broke i dun go out much. haha. since i'm jobless! well, time pass quite fast hoh. i din do much thou. i nv really felt "free-ed" i dunnoe y thou. think coz i have the pressure of working or something. hmm.. well, been staying hm quite often. my mum got 2 days MC n 2 offdays last wk so most of the time stayed at hm or else she alone lo. then since mon, stayed at hm coz its under renovation. they fixin the wire n everything for the small room. luckily Saf came by to company me. or else i'll be so bored at hm. :( sob sob. so dusty n dirty eerywhere. so messy also coz have to shift this n that, wrap it up alll. then cant dry clothes so now my room is even messier coz the clothes are hang here. 0-o amazing hoh. haha. well, in my guarding of the house, i did get a new hobby thou.. saf n me played PS 2. first day, play ninja turtle, which sucks. then we played dynasty warriors. v nice wo. haha~ i already earn myself 4 costumes. hehehe....so the second day we played from 10 plus to 6 plus. OBESESSION.i tried to make nana play with me n almost vomit blood. she's as bad as me, but worse la. i always lose my way even with the map. Nana cant read the map AT ALL. besides losing my way i have to try to find her everytime. so after one attempt, i quite. haha. now my left thumb hurts coz i press really hard. hee~ then last nite i cant sleep...was thinking abt the game, my god. i din noe i was so deep.. i think i dreamt abt playing the game too, so much then now i am not that enthu. haha. its kills it alittle. haha. but i still like~ haha. today will be the last day of my house renovation. hopfully i get a life after this. my mum sometimes like, think i shld do everything coz i am at hm. was abit irritated for the first 2 days. but now she kinda stop. or cool it alittle. so i'm ok. First day ah, need to tk oranges from my aunt, told my aunt i will go get. THEN she tells me to go. need to pay bills, ask chris pay. need hot water, ask chris boil. -_-" lucky i dun get all this now. but i noe, she wun let me slack one. will expect me to do everything~ EVERYTHIN~ Saturday, August 20, 2005  well, its my new vector. comments to improve? Friday, August 19, 2005 well, ppl usually say u have to be in another person's shoe to understand wat the person is going thru. v v thru hoh, coz seriously, its like that lo. its hard for ppl to noe exactly wat u r thinking, feelin, etc. so we shld all strike to be understanding n caring n make the world a loving place. Rite ppl? *claps*clap* thank you! thank you! Riteee... -_-" like its so easy. huahuahua, anyways, no harm trying mah.rite? rite?! RITE?!?!?!?!? Saturday, August 13, 2005 who shld i tok to? No one. din wake up w a v gd mood i muz say. kinda depressed kind. woke up hearin mum n emily chat abt cpf, loans n stuff. i'll be ending my contract soon. wun even have money to contribute i guess. i dunnoe, sometimes i feel that i will regret quitting. these few days had been quite ok at work, ppl telling me to continue n stuff. encuraging i guess. n thinking abt it, i do like diting to a certain extent. And variety show is more casual n more place to experiment with. i mite be missing out on something by ending like that. tsk. i dunoe. sometimes i just cant tk the pressure. these few mths seems to pass by in a blur as well. i remember things but its kinda blur n messy. few big things i had to decide on. and mostly without much time given for thinking. or there was time, but i just din think ahead of time. i dunnoe. now i dun wanna think back or anything. does not matter coz it wun change anything. i dun even wanna have regrets. but the ways i had been handling things, i think i need to change. I'm just, a person gd at hiding things if i wan to. and no one noes that. maybe one or two. but other then that, things going on in my mind, certain things, i just think abt it myself. hmmm, not v gd hoh. i noe. but i'm used to it already. the dilema now is shld i change my mind abt quitting anot. tick tock tick tock only i ca make the decision. so, i dunnoe. so far talk to a few ppl but of coz, the answer is only i can decide. Sunday, August 07, 2005 i dunnoe wat i am feeling now. mixed feelings. and they are all rather extreme i guess. i dunnoe. i just feel...i dunnoe wat i am feeling, but i am shaking abit, i dunnoe y. sometimes its weird. u cant even understand urself. coz as u grow up, everything just got complicated due to our own nature. i used to always think that there is no one that understands me n i get upset becoz of that. i feel alone. but now i noe,its forever gonna be this way. there can be no one that understand another being completely. there's no such thing, everyone is unique in his or her own way. it will probably tk alot for another person to undertand another person. u can sorta know, but u cant nv fully understand. Saturday, August 06, 2005 I open my eyes I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light I can't remember how I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight And I can't stand the pain And I can't make it go away No I can't stand the pain Chorus: How could this happen to me I've made my mistakes Got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me Everybody's screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me I'm slipping off the edge I'm hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered And I can't explain what happened And I can't erase the things that I've done No I can't How could this happen to me I've made my mistakes Got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me I've made my mistakes Got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me Nice song wo~ today i get off, but my mama off day also mah. so going to visit my grandpa n going temple i think....hmm...same as last wk. haha. will update more later~ seeya~ |
Cookiesâ„Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |