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Saturday, March 26, 2005
do u believe in karma? rose |
0 rose(s) on your door Thursday, March 24, 2005 well, suppose to be doing work. but i am not like a robot that can function as i want to u see. i got moods n my moments. now i am feeling abit sleepy, think coz of the weird sleeping hours. i think its quite cool to not live like a normal person, but it sucks in a way coz my eyebags are like reaching my chin. rite, not that much. haha. anyway, decided to blog abt my dream. my weird dream that left me feeling scared and heart beating fast. dunnoe how to describle but its like, hmm, just a sense of..i dunnoe wat... hmmm, ok, mite not sound like a nitemare to certain ppl but to me it is sortof la. haha. slept at 11pm to wake up at 2 plus 3 to do work. did my work til 6. went to sleep for an hr. and in that one hr i had my weird dream, or dreams. hmm, kinda in bits n pieces. all i can remember is i was at my dad's old market, and there were 2 very big fishes, still alive. i think i sorta can communicate with them. then one os the fish dead, and the other one jump onto another 2 even bigger fish on the stall. the fishes were alive too. then i was scared that the stall holder will kill that fish, but i dunnoe what happen, i tried to save the fish, n its like slipping down the other 2 fish. and then i wanna save it. then it got suck into the drain. the other part of the dream, i walk into the tution center with Saf. hmm, the place i dun really noe its where, but seems like its the second time we went there coz i walk the wrong direction n lost my way. haha, but i noe i sorta noe the place. then there were stray cat n pig there. they were in the tuition place, but i think later they stray off at the street again. Then i was eating pork, and i walk out of the center and saw the sky is darker. And on the floor beside the roadsie, the pig is laying still there. there were guts or some kinda organs on the floor. think something ran over the poor animal. then the kitten was still alive, the kitten's skin was pulled up, bleeding. and its meowing, crying in pain. i wanted to help the kitten, i think i ran back to the tution center or sumthing, cant remember. and i panick. then i woke up. i think in the dream i almost cried. hmmm... weird dream that dun make sense. haha. then Saf say maybe coz last time i watch the video abt the skinning of animals. that was quite long ago n i din think abt it. but come to think of it, i did surf the net and see the animal villa or sumthing set up recently in singapore that keep strays dog. i tot of voluteering, but quite busy now ah. see how ba. oh yah, my house toilet if finally fix le. but the hooks all this think we have to drill it in ourselves or sumthing. hmmm, like that one ah. think we will ask the person ba. did ask the person, but they din do it. hmmm. hmm, things in DFV hasn't change much i guess, still ppl hate each other. except my irritation is sorta down abit. hmm, think the fit of anger goes down over time, n i cant really be bothered to think ba. Emily say she dun get it, y we get so pissed when ppl wanna do secret thing. hmm, explain to her, n realise that yah, y we get so pissed over it? i am angry at them coz they r hypocrites and all that. but u noe, i dun wanna interact with em n all that. so i just wash my hands off things i guess. hz n sandy seems pissed with michael. sandy v pissed with wee. hmmm, hz i can understand. Sandy is like getting abit too angry abt wee ba? seems like my friends are having too much hatred in them. hmmm, i dunnoe what to say also. hmm, only so much i can say. coz shld not let them affect u til too much, til it becomes something that affects u everyday, so easily. hmmm, i dunnoe la, but life is make so much more harder if there is so much hate isn't it? i read somewhere, u can choose to live one day happily, or one day angrily. which will u choose? i just feel that its abit sad if my own friends harbour so much anger at another person. coz hmmm, i dun wan them to become like, obsessed abt it. hmm, like laine or msg, they lead a pathetic life i feel. and i dun wan one day, like the circumstances makes my friend have anger only. Sandy i noe u will be reading this, dunnoe how to bring it across to u but i hope u get my intentions ba. dun misunderstand i am trying to prove wat or anything, but i feel u shld not let em affect u so much k? dun let them leave such a big mark in ur life. they r not worth ur time n happiness ya? as long as we dui de qi ourselves can le. lastly, to all ppl. all the best in your work n life~ DFV ppl we r graduating, life is gonna be sleepless, but, only less than one month. it will pass somehow. just gd or bad but u noe. at least we tried la. Wednesday, March 23, 2005 its 3.24am in the morning, i'm loking at the com, but tempted to just sleep..but now is not the time to be lazy anymore, din so anything at all yesterday so its pay back time. -_-" i think going to sch sorta wasted my time, could have acomplish more if i stay at home coz travel to sch, meeting, eat, slack, chat. standard one mah. then go home its 4 plus, when i din do much in sch. -_-" then sleep til 6. the rest i say le. so sad rite...but its like just mind not in work, rather clean up the hse n so on. the toilet if official done today. wedesday. then can really pack the hse. its like so messy. worse then usual coz the things r everywhere, cant do laundry properly also. muz go upstairs my uncle's place to od. bath muz boil water, etc. so its gonna be easier soon. hee~ new toilet, can sit one wo~ hehe~ no need sqaut til leg numb. wahaha~ simple things but, my family is happy i guess. remember when we first move here, i cant get used to the toilet squat one, felt its so dirty, but now ok le. n finally, sit one, i feel its cleaner? n u get to cover the cover so the toilet's air is fresher. u get wat i mean? haha. now is 3.35am, feeling hungrym think i will make sandwich n eat ba... Saf is up at the same time as me, dunnoe doing work mah? so poor thing, so packed, dun worry k? it will be over somehow, just work on it so no matter wat, u tried ya? i shld start soon too, no time to waste... many things have happened recently in sch n bet. saf n me. but hmm, everytime feel no time to blog lei. haha~ could put the time to do work n stuff. haha~ k then, go make bread. gogogo! Thursday, March 17, 2005 i think the digi tutor really shld not be fit to be a tutor. she only noe how to put ppl down n give v limited constructive comments. maybe 10 lines to put u down n 1 line that is constructive. We call her a bitch, n she really makes me feel like slapping her the more i get o see her. lucky only once a week. really loh. i dun like her at all. dun like dun like!!!!!!! oh yah, canada is going to start skinning baby seals again, so ppl, help to donate if u can. i dun ahve money at all. -_-" maybe i'll just work overseas for this type of organisation ba. dun feel liek getting a typical job. charlie ask me wanna work on campaigns n events anot. that type like abit boring lei. oh yah, i cant be an air stewardess already. i think. coz i scald my hand then quite a big patch ba. like a bloack scar there is v obvious. air stewardess cant have scars on the hands, from the lower arm to ur hands. so..hmm, sad ah. 1 less thing then i wanna do can be archieve. unless, no scar is left. now is the process of turning black, so dunnoe how it will look like ba. hopefully no scar. Tuesday, March 15, 2005 Sing a song of sixpence, A pocket full of rye Four-and-twenty blackbirds Baked in a pie! When the pie was opened The birds began to sing; Was not that a dainty dish To set before the king? The king was in his counting-house, Counting out his money; The queen was in the parlor, Eating bread and honey. The maid was in the garden, Hanging out the clothes; When down came a blackbird And snapped off her nose. Sunday, March 13, 2005 been quite awhile since i blog properly..hmmm, got quite alot of things to ay actually. like, hmm, i will think of wat i wanna type, then i got no time to really do that. busy sleeping. -_-" anyways, this weekend basically busy with filming ba. fri n sat nite. then this morning at saf's place for the siemens thingy. well, docu going smoothly i guess. since sandy's got things n contacts. hmm, well, was abit pissed yesterday at my gp. but u noe, no things gonna go easy in life i guess. so my conclusion is, i'll just do my job n thats it. the ppl in my gp, like to tok among themselves. think james was sick or sumthing, no one bother to tell me. so screw it, i wun really be caring towards the evil ppl. thou ppl will. but at least, can say wat. watever that is, the coolest thing that pissed me off is wthe diretor sandy n editor raudha. as far as i noe, on shooting days, the directors communicates/discuss with the cameraman, this 2 is to work the closet together. but well, i got the both of em toking v long outside, n later, the editor coming to tell me what i have to do. when she will signal me to enter into fram while she shoot from the top. ok, fine with that. then the director came later n tell me another thing. i'm like..hello? then i say, y raudha say another diff thing. then sandy say, "huh, wait, wat did the 2 of u discuss?" i told her, we din discuss anything, is they discuss n tell me wat to do. then i just walk off pissed. then ask me standby at the stairs, waited for ages before someone came. james came before that, tell me exactly wat sandy say on the phone, but in a more misleading way. wat shoot from here, blah blah, but is shoot from there. then irked me coz, its exactly wat sandy say on the phone n just now wat. but muz confuse me by getting a not-so-gd-at-explaining-things-all-the-time-translator is it? i guess thats becoz sandy noes 'm pissed, so she send a represntative down or sumthing. watever. so i decided to just do my job. since everything is already discussed without me, y bother rite? i'll just be a robot n do what i need. coz after what i see, i see no point in doing more, just watever within my scope i guess. but the last part after we parted on seperate vehicles, they on jame's car, n i alone. from there i start to film alone. n i think its really fun. working that way. like just u noe, do everything u need, n everything u can, the rest, they cant blame u or anything, since at the first place, they make me feel that way. well, either way, they discuss with me or not now, i think i wun really care ba? my mind is set, i'll do wat i need. from the start, its not really easy i noe. i can see someone who sees me lower then other ppl wat. i wanna be a camerman but that person just wun bloodily write down my name. oh well, there is the allies there already so let it be ba. the ppl in dfv is mostly evil anyway. n i mean evil. n when hz n sadny can still be so friendly to herman, i see the biasness. maybe to them its not, coz he did tell them, but he joined them, so? thats it isn't it? he join sumthing that he disagree on? for wat? wat a joke. n hz ask me i hate herman so much? i was disappointed with the ppl, but i see the biasness, even worse. everyone hates michaels, i think they feel he corrupted the ppl. but ppl get corrupted is their fault too. ppl can only influence so much, the rest is up to the ppl. i give u a knife, u choose to kill ppl or throw it away. they choose to kill. so? i feel the rest are even worse, hiding behind that smiley face, only michaek show how much an ass he can be. the rest? y dun anyone see it? cant anyone detect it? n becoz we r used to it, we can still joke with them, i try to refuse that now, but ppl who tell me they r not that type that will even tok to ppl they dun like, seem to be doing it more than me. so wat is going on? the disesase is spreading. n making everyone think that they r rite in their ways. i think i am rite too, maybe i'm infected. but i still find mine logical. just me maybe. but wat i see in others, worse. "They saySaturday, March 12, 2005 http://hk.geocities.com/blood1213/fur.html my friend send me this link...i watched it...i force myself to finish it, to see how fucking cruel human beings ah...my god....the animals r so innocent...cant u ppl at least kill it properly before u skinned it? thats so god damn cruel n painful but u ppl do it like its nothing. til u can still talk n joke. Fuck u ppl who wear fur, fuck u rich ppl. u r not a cave man, cant u get proper clothes instead of fur?Fucking fuck u all. is it just me? but seems like i see this type of act all the time from china. wats wrong with u ppl? even if u r really poor or watever, u have the heart to do this? damn it, kill it properly! scared the blood will dirty the fur? Fuck u! fuck u all!!!!!!
Sunday, March 06, 2005 i'm not christian but, i really like this song. Deliver Us Egyptian Guards Mud...Sand...Water...Straw...Faster! Mud...And lift...Sand...And Pull Water...And raise up...Straw...Faster! Slaves With the sting of the whip on my shoulder With the salt of my sweat on my brow Elohim, God on high Can you hear your people cry: Help us now This dark hour... Deliver us Hear our call Deliver us Lord of all Remember us, here in this burning sand Deliver us There's a land you promised us Deliver us to the promised land... Yocheved Yal-di ha-tov veh ha-rach (My good and tender son) Al ti-ra veh al tif-chad (Don't be frightened and don't be scared) My son, I have nothing I can give But this chance that you may live I pray we'll meet again If He will deliver us Slaves Deliver us Hear our prayer Deliver us From despair These years of slavery grow too cruel to stand Deliver us There's a land you promised us Deliver us Out of bondage and Deliver us to the promised land... Yocheved Hush now, my baby Be still, love, don't cry Sleep as you're rocked by the stream Sleep and remember my last lullaby So I'll be with you when you dream River, o river Flow gently for me Such precious cargo you bear Do you know somewhere he can live free? River, deliver him there... Young Miriam Brother, you're safe now And safe may you stay For I have a prayer just for you: Grow, baby brother Come back someday Come and deliver us, too... Slaves Deliver us Send a shepherd to shepherd us And deliver us to the promised land i wanted to do work in the weekend, but so far i din nothing. i read comic, sleep, watch animae. i watch like, 12 espisodes of Bleach n even watch TV. that is like so rare, watch TV..taiwan variety show, been a really long time since i watch it, as in, really sit down n watch the whole thing. v entertaining. shld watch more. haha. but maybe, plan my time n do work at the same time coz i am kinda screwed now. Dun worry dear, i'm not able to do anything like u k? so dun worry that everyone is moving forward doing their work n u r not..trust me, alot alot of us is stuck there. ppl i noe, sandy, hz, we all dun have drive for work too ya? so far, only mariah n irene seem to be working on it. well, nowadays, i am really lazy. -_-" i wonder y? or maybe compare to last time,, i was hardworking. haha. i think so, but now is too lazy. i wanna do sumthing but i always start til really last min n end up i settle for sumthing which is not really wat i wan. just rush out sumthing to pass up. that is bad. bad.bad.bad. think i gotta sacrifice sumthing for this month to build up my portfolio. shld not give excuses. everyday say wanna do, din do anything. hai~ my mum yesterday asked me if we can just tk 200 bucks for allowance this month...i told her cant...emily n me sorta expected that she will cut our aloowance again.. then she say, u all still have money from CNY rite? spend all already? sumtimes i feel that, i dun have the freedom to even spend my own money, if i have money i have to save or share it with mum..i noe she got heavy burden of the family, i noe. i dun need to always hear it. 250 a month is already not enuff...transport is abt 62, phone bill, internet, meals... n nowadays, she hardly leave money for us to have dinner. n my hse is not well stocked anymore, i'm so bored with the food at home, i think i can get aneroxic. i used to be able to eat instant noodle everyday but now i am sick of it. nothing much to eat or snack coz i think save money from buying. we already save on all this thingy but money is still running out. then i think she told my aunt abt the allowance thing when my aunt came to visit. my mum, always telling my aunt things. sumtimes, i just wanna shut off from all this. i noe she works really hard, so she cant help with housework. but, she always say this, say that, stacks her cup n all that. not helping at all. then will comment, ask us to do this. how to say, she will only say, but really, she provides the money n basically dump everything to us. even when her plants dying, she will say " u all lah, nv water" but..thats not even MY plants rite? she have the time to do it herself too, but she expect US to do everything. yesterday was her off day, we forgot to tk nana's medicind home from sch. i only know that at 2pm, when the childcare closes. then she ask me, "y u all din go n get the medicine" WAT??!!! u tk nana out to buy thing early in the morning, even ask me to go down for BF, u noe, n u din get it, or ask me to go get it, until like 2pm then u say??? then later i dunnoe where she get the medicine, then she ask us to feed nana. when she was doing nothing too. -_-" really, i wish she can stop just commenting n blaming us for everything. i told emily the other day when mum blame us abt sumthing again. " i'm sorry i am the head of the household" coz basically, besides the money, we tk care of everything ourselves. we dun have money to buy anything else except eat. sumtimes not even enuff. when i go out, saf offers to pay for dinner, etc. last time, dennis will pay too. i dun even have enuff for myself...n i talk abt all this shit getting a part time but i dun see one that i really like. n i think this tks a toll on my mum n myself. my mum went to the fortune teller yesterday, she ask abt emily n my future job. yes, on her own. then the person say emily will find a job faster n of high pay. for me its gonna tk longer n the pay is not as high. -_-" great, now i can get condemn. haha. thats wat i told emily, we luff it off. then emily say she wun condemn me, but that fortune teller thing is gonna change her perspective. tell me abt it man. my mum n i r really not close sumore loh. she din even ask me wanna company her to fortune telling anot, only ask emily. -_-" nvm la, at least she dun ahte me now, like last time. money money money. I_D_I_O_T_I_C guess my mum just think us as daughters who only noe how to ask for money. n she have a really hard life. alot of ppl had a hard life. i admit life has been rough on her, but, i dun need to hear it. i dun need to hear abt the bills i ahve to pay in future, i dun need to hear abt repaying the loan from ppl, i dun need to hear this n that. i noe. think my mum is loneyly, no one to share all this thingy for her. but i wish she change her mindset alittle. she thinks she is working this hard coz she need to suppirt the family, its true, but isn't that wat parents do? and when she tok abt the story of my aunt neighbour in the living room to emily, i just on my tv louder in the bedroom. i dun wanna hear anymore. The neighbour used to have a hard life when she was young, but now she is old, her kids grow up n earn alot of money, then give her or sumthing. the envy n big hint. -_-" all i have to do is, go out, find a job that offers big bucks, (not those slutty jobs), doesn't matter if i am happy or not, just work n provide. thats wat she is doing. but pls, i am only 20, cant i even do sumthing i like first? its my life rite? i shld be able to choose. she already give me this invisible chain to provide for the family ONCE i graduate. she spend money so much faster then emily or me u noe. its her money, i noe. but she can spend on things, we cant. she works hard, she deserve to spend, but spending my allowance or hong bao money, i cant. she makes me feel like this. its...irritating.... the best thing wuld be me going out to work rite away, rite away. It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. -Agatha Christie Saturday, March 05, 2005 wanted to come online n say abt my victory in Napfa but hmmm, seemed like its nothing much. -_-" haha, well, coz icheck my email n there are drilling everywhereeeeeeeeeeeee, really everywhereeeee, in the states got drilling problem la, deforestation n so on. -_-" n i wanna say i get my gold medal. -_-" compare to that, its like really a small thing. haha. i mean, i bet alot of gers got their gold quite easily. still i am happy, but u noe, wish i ran abit more faster. haha. lousy now ah. sit up 30 wanna die already. haha my body is aching here n there. haha. been quite long since i really feel ache here n there. nv really excercise for yrs. the stupid part that we need to go for napfa coz we din work out for ages, sit infront of com n such, now u wan us to go for a physical test? haha, i pity the guys, their seems harder n they need at least a silver. if not, off to training in NS for 2 months. now Saf is training for napfa coz he c how the guys strugle yesterday. haha. GoGogoooo~ haha at least he trains, not like the ger doing sit up beside me ah, think she cheat lo, tsk tsk, dishonest man. i hate ppl who like that one lo. i mean, for wat, u r fast enuff. i am not 100% sure, but i noe they did cheat a few, even emily notice. the rest they cant cheat but shit, lose to em on certain things. think they r from sports n welness. well, hahaha, i din train but is till get my gold, no need to cheat. tsk tsk tsk! shame on u gers! haha. if i train, beat u hands down. wahahaha~ so self centered. haha. well, monday gotta tk pic for our booth le. gotta dye my hair n trim it alittle. hehe~ i say i wanna have long hair, but now, feels abit tempted to cut short again. haha. then can act cool. 0_0 wat the hell. haha. coz everyone long hair v sian mah. dun like to feel "common" haha. like my hair, thou the colour is really bright, i quite like it. at first not used to it, but after awhile i likes it. suits me i feel, like personality wise. but now the roots come out abit...-_-" ugly. haha. k la, better do some work. byebye~ jia you cauliflower!!!!!! Thursday, March 03, 2005 reading my blourty blog now. my past posts. v entertaining n funny. wahahaha, shall cut n paste a few to humour u all. especially saf..haha...u need to see this man...haha. Wednesday, June 16th, 2004 3:36 pm sucker! that stupid safuan, he got attitude problem! juz now he refuse to let me play "life is beatiful", dun let me on louder for cliff to hear. say its noise to him. then now i asking him things about the swimming pool coz he walk into the room and he keep saying he cant hear, its noisy. he cant hear, its noisy. then i have to walk over. what the fuck. only u can hear what u wanna hear meh? both me n cliff wanna hear the other song cannot meh? so attitude, yah, this journal write for u to read one. sucker n tempermental idiot. no one needs to talk to u depending on ur mood swings. Tuesday, June 15th, 2004 1:21 pm saf say i did losuy casting for him, i din, they are not even cast. juz found them coz i cant find no one. -_-" sorry, but the more i see the footage the more i noe. but i cant help it. haha~ my niece so cute, her acting is abit...cmi. haha~ she look so nervous one loh. haha~ Friday, July 16th, 2004 hmmm. maybe i will do TVC, more TVC ba. Saf is looking while i type, think he scared i cursed him again. haha~ i will~ CHEE BYE!!!! SAF!!!!hahaha~ Friday, June 18th, 2004 i juz read saf's blog. i think, i dun wanna bother with saf already. really. i try to tok to him n he juz think ppl wanna target at him and stuff. he juz get all personal n all that when i am actually showing concern asking him y he is so moody today! i mean, if he is not my gd friend, i would have juz scolded him and argue with him. but its like, when i tok to him n he give me those weird smile, i juz tot, maybe he no mood to tok and i sorta give up the attempt too. then after i read his blog, i'm juz so mad. thou we often tok in chinese, nowadays, especially today during lunch, i make an attempt to speak in english loh! its juz the rest continue in chinese n it gets kinda weird. i mean, if everyone tok malay i will feel weird too loh. but ah, now i'm juz so mad! i also dunnoe y i wanna go thru all this loh. maybe coz i lost alot of friends n can understand how he feel so wanna help him. but keeping quiet when ppl toking to u dun solve a thing loh. honestly, the thing i feel abt him is there is some arrogance to him. its like, i dunnoe lah. i dun wanna say already. later i get all the target craps again. so fed up. well. i guess we really were logger head ah O_o wahahaha~ i type my blog halfway n my com just shut down!!! @!#$#%^$% so idiotic hoh, muz retype..well..was just saying how i cant control my sleep. but now.. -_-" i dun think i will repeat ba..abit the..troublesome. haha. well, gotta really go do work now, i cant afford to fail. haha. just staying here to drag time n listen to music. coz when i work, i need to off the music. hai~ haha, hmmm, think of something to say then..jus refuse to retype. haha. but, hmm, dunnoe lei, i dun really wanna tok abt too personal things online nowadays. i mean, not as personal as last time one. think the sensitivity of the issues? coz with my situation, hmmm, saying things will u noe, affect ppl. n in my case, the things abt my life will somehow, affect the 2 ppl i've hurt before, that is Saf n Dennis. do to be safe n fair, haha, i wun tok much. which i dunnoe is wrong or rite. hmmm....complicated...i need hitch. haha, riteeee well anyways, life is fine, all i need to is slap myself left n rite n get to work. -_-" i wanna do work, but the laziness always tk over. -_-" shld really slap myself. wasting my life like that, n i dare to say juan's life seem shallow, well, mine is not any better with no contribution to anyone, or anything. ---_----" wake up christina idiotic~~ time to wake up. somehow i dun seem tow orry i cant get a job in the film industry. its like there is ppl, who sometimes i feel aiming at me to graduate asap so i can work for em. i dunnoe, maybe they think i am capavle but v possible, they think i am gullible n can be trust to handle stuff, without the fear of screwing em up. dunnoe. watever it is lah. haha. but dunnoe lei, its not sumthing i would really wanna work after my graduation. more intrested in other stuff, like be a air stewardess n travel ard. hmm, but no problem if i need to be AD or wat i guess, earn some cash first. interested in graphics. but, my course din teach in depth, n lazy me sin explore it myself. hmm, my 3 yrs in poly, wasted abt 1 n 1/2 yrs i guess. after i went into DFV. coz, the drive there is quite low n i think i basically suck compare to other ppl. plus with ppl putting me down, i wun give names, someone who like, put me lower than other ppl in choosing my role on a project. i dunnoe, i am ok with that someone. but sumtimes, that someone piss me off. -_-" n no one likes to get pissed off. -_-" especially me, dun get me cross. thou in poly i am more grown up n able to control. but in my secondary sch days...i get really attitude n really angry. lotsa ppl tell me not to get angry coz i am really fierce. haha. so....hopefull, that someone wun make me lose it. i doubth i will, but saying it out makes it better. wahahaha. i feel i am more mighty. wahahahah~ like u noe, someone of higher status. riteeee... self centered. at least that keeps me happy. live in my own world..is that gd or bad? listening to sad love songs. hmm, old ones, makes me abit upset. i feel sadness. i dunnoe y. its like, hmmm, a mix feeling that coz it i think. cant be pms, haha, i still got days before that. But here i am, up n down, up n down. guess memories suddenly surfaced when i hear certain songs. but i dun get y i will get upset. doen's make sense coz, things r really going on fine. haha. well anyway, better get off to work, coz suddenly i can type n type. haha. cya ppl.... damn, leg numb...ARG! my old time favourite song, in the shadows by ramus. The Rasmus - In The Shadows No sleep Wednesday, March 02, 2005 well, saf intro this song to me...quite nice wo~ Ryan Cabrera - She's She looks into my eyes and i'm alive again Tuesday, March 01, 2005 Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. -Emily Post well, think i am becoming more n more insensitive. hmmm. so mean i losing my manners as well. i think so? hmm, not really, but think i care less ba? abt wat ppl think. i mean, always say dun care, but to a certain extent i do la. but u noe, not much nowadays. hmm, think i am losing my original self? well, i noe i changed but u noe, not that way? lik last time i see strays, i can keep thinking abt it n so on. wanna feed it n all that. now its like, it wun really bother me that much? hmm, i din stop caring but i care less, to strays, to people, to work. arg. last time i used to say every once awhile in my old blog that i feel that i am being buried. deeper n deeper, like u dun feel as much? n its like, things, hmm, dun seem to feel the same. u r just like, getting more n more numb. now i dun really feel that way, but somehow, i think i am still buired in a way. i need to find myself. still missing myself. when i was with dennis, i feel that he gets me into a comfort zone. hmm, ppl will die for this type of feeling i guess, but, hmm, i just felt that it, hmm, makes me too comfortable to move on in a way. of coz there is more than our breakup. one of the reason was to find myself. but then, i got together with saf. hmm, sumtimes i think i discover more things abt myself after all this big incidents. but sumtimes i feel that i shld give myself some time to think things out n "find" myself like wat i intended. hmm, so far, things r gd between us. so, haha, hope my not giving myself time wun result in problems in future. dun wanna repeat all this again, or hurt anyone who dun deserve pain. sumtimes reading dennis's blog, hai, i dunnoe, i shall stop here. but Den, hmm, just hope we can be gd friends in future ya? n all the best in ur life k? anyways, hmmm, fusion is coming up. really coming up. haha. oh no, gotta do like, work. haha. so lazy. n design web, r u kidding? i haven touch that stuff for so long, i dun noe how to do those flash thingy anymore. haha, so funny. i can think of those ppl with impressive webbie n mine wuld be like ppt slides. ah, sad life. haha. oh well, think saf shut off infront of com again, rite after he say he mite fall asleep and dozing off. well, quite instant ah, haha. oh well, guess his tired. got nothing to do but stayed with me to edit til everyone left. thanks hiney bunny. haha. |
Cookies♥Life " Just living isn't enough", said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson " December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 April 2008 July 2008 September 2008 October 2008 February 2009 April 2009 August 2009 September 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 July 2010 January 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |
